Train Wreck / Growing Up?

Train
I'm going to say straight up I am not the same person I was in 2005. The Fernando that i know and love remains in the 05 and 06 years, but this new Fernando, I don't know if I like him. He complains about his life constantly. Wishes he would've been dealt a better hand of cards. Enough of the third person. What I'm trying to say is I hate what I've become. I gripe and groan about my current life more than i should. I put things off till the last minute. I am no longer the super positive dude i once was. I have periodically hated my self and my friends. Fluctuating personality. I swear I'm becoming anti-Fern. But, some of my original traits are still here. I can't turn down genuine fun. I love to play games with friends. I love all the music i have/ currently listen to.

Grow
One positive thing that i have gotten out of all the negative changes is a broader more "adult" like outlook on how people interact with each other. When someone tells you, "you need to grow up" they usually are telling you in the sense that the things you like are past your age. I say FUCK YOU to that. but besides that what I've found to be "growing up" is to put aside your preferences for the sake of others. selflessness, to a certain extent. Nothing is better in the world to me now than just a simple "Hello!" from an old friend or seeing people I've had great memories with. That to me is the difference between a train wreck and a growing relationship, which are hard to come by these days.

I'm a pussy. Life is gonna Fuck me.

But there is hope. and I may have experienced one of those signs today that shows me someone is rootin' for me.